“Hey! Keep your junk outta my trash can!”

“Gonzo, I sold my collection of rare cheese to buy you this crystal petri dish for your mold collection.” 

“Oh. Uh, gee, Rizzo. I sold my mold collection to buy you this diamond-tipped cheese slicer.” 

“…did you save the receipt?” 

“Merry Christmas! It’s a joy to serve Wilkin’s Coffee to so many people at Christmas!”

“It’s a joy to you; you’re not pulling the sled!”

“After all, there’s only one more sleep ‘til Christmas Day…”

“Hey, that’s pretty good harmony for a snowman!”

“Actually, I’m a snewman.”

“What’s a snewman?”

“Nothin’s a snewman, what’s a snew with you?”

“What does it mean when it lands on that side?”

“Oh, okay, that’s the letter ‘nun.’ And that means that I didn’t win anything.”

“Oh, oh well. Land on nun, get none!”

“I know the story of A Christmas Carol like the back of my hand.”

“Prove it!”

“Alright…there’s a mole on my thumb…and a scar on my wrist from when I fell off my bicycle…”

“That’s not a Christmas tree! That’s a coat rack!”

“To the jaded eye, yes.”

“You know, this is my favorite Christmas tradition.”

“Listening to Christmas carolers?”

“No, heckling them!”